


If We Don't Bend Then We Might Break

by petesa



Category: Mortal Instruments Series - Cassandra Clare, Shadowhunters (TV), The Mortal Instruments (Movies)
Genre: AH - Freeform, AU, Alternate Universe - High School, Friends to Lovers, M/M, Malec, My first fic on this site ahhhh
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-03-01
Updated: 2016-03-01
Packaged: 2018-05-24 02:20:01
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,240
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6138040
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/petesa/pseuds/petesa
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Alec Lightwood fell in love with his best friend, but it didn't turn out to be as bad as he thought it would be.</p>
            </blockquote>





	If We Don't Bend Then We Might Break

**Author's Note:**

> My friend asked me to write this for her and I ended up really liking it? I decided to post it on here which will make it my first fic on this website ahhh. Look for me on tumblr my url is iamthetwinskeleton   
> Creds to Pvris for the title   
> Creds to CC for the characters

 

* * *

Alec leaned against the passenger door of the bright red car. He always found himself here almost everyday. Whenever either of them didn't have to stay after school for clubs or detention, Alec was always here. He could just drive himself home. He had a car and a license, but he just let Jace use his car. He preferred it this way anyways. He got to spend the last few minutes of freedom before he got home and had to succumb to piles of homework.

"You waited for me this long?" a voice that Alec had known for years called out. "I would've figured you got a ride with Jace by now."

  "No, it's fine honestly. Clary's probably with him anyways and I do not want to be around him when she's there. They're disgustingly in love." Magnus laughed. It was melodic sound that Alec loved to hear. He also loved it when they would lay on Magnus' couch watching horribly hilarious movies. Laughing until their ribs got tired. "Where were you anyways?"

  "Getting the extra credit for physics. I'm barely passing that class. I need all the help I can get." Alec got in the car and threw his binder in the backseat. 

  "I offered my help, remember?"

  "Yeah, but I really don't care. I just want a passing grade so I can graduate. Then we're out of here. For good."

  "You're acting like we're leaving to go live in Korea. We're leaving for college. Which is an hour away from here." Alec and Magnus got accepted to the same college, and are living any best friends dream. Going to college together and just being more present in their lives afterwards. It was the dream, and they were living it. Alec was happy, but he still wished that there was more. Magnus was Alec's best friend ever since the eighth grade. That was when Alec first transferred. Magnus was the only person at the school that made an effort to talk to shy Alec, and Alec was grateful because he didn't want to spend his time in this school district alone. They were now seniors in high school and were still the best of friends. He wouldn't trade that for anything in the world. His friendship with Magnus meant everything to him. That's why he never said anything.  

  Alec reached to change the radio station and his hand just barely brushed by Magnus'. It was little things like this that made his heart race. Just little accidental touches. Nothing else. At least, it was nothing to Magnus. To Alec, they were everything.

  Alec lived in fear everyday. Fear of rejection from his family, fear of failing, fear of losing his best friend. But he was brave enough to look each of those fears in the face everyday. His biggest fear though, was admitting that he was deeply, hopelessly, in love with his best friend. Magnus Bane. And he couldn't do anything about it. Everyday he smiled and laughed, but on the inside it was ripping him apart. He only did it because he loved Magnus, and Magnus seemed pretty content with what they had. Alec just had to respect that. 

 

* * *

After a week of enduring that torture, he was able to spend a lazy Saturday to himself. He was glad for the weekends because he usually didn't see Magnus, and he could take his mind off of him by doing other things like going to the park with Max or spending a day at the library. 

  It was a couple of days of peace, but that peace was broken every Sunday night. When he goes to bed, and realizes when he gets to school he'll be there again. He'll have to act like it doesn't hurt to act like he's happy with what they have. It better than nothing, but he still wants more from their relationship. It just isn't in the cards for them. It never will be, and he will just have to learn how to live with it until he's over Magnus.

  He fell asleep, but woke up when he received a text. Alec was always a light sleeper. He rubbed the sleep out of his eyes and checked his phone. It was a text from Magnus that read for Alec to open his window. Alec was confused, but he did it anyways. He stumbled out of bed and looked out his window. Magnus was outside waiting for him on the ground. They haven't snuck out since they were in middle school, but Alec saw no harm in it. Alec jumped out his window and slid down a tree. He landed on his feet and Magnus smiled. "Come with me. Let's have a stress free night. I think you need it." Magnus was right. With exams and projects coming up, Alec had been stressed out of his mind. Maybe Magnus was right. He needed to get some things off his mind. "Hop in the car. We're going somewhere." Alec got in the car without second thought. 

  Magnus drove down familiar roads and passed places that Alec knew too well. They were going to a certain part of town that Alec loved. They went there all the time when ever they could. Alec loved their spot, and Magnus did too. There just was so much of their history there. 

  Magnus stopped the car. Their spot was a cliffside looking over the city. The city was always alive at night. The lights were so bright they cancel out any stars, sadly. They were just far enough that it was completely quiet, though. That's why Alec loved it. The city was just in reach, but he was far away enough that he didn't have to worry about anyone or anything. It was just him and the person he loved. He let all of his worries leave his mind and just sat in silence with Magnus. 

No words were hardly ever exchanged when they were here. They understood each other by subtitle body language. This night though, Magnus decided to speak. "Can you believe we're graduating in a few months? Four years of suffering and stress and then we enter four more years of stress. But we've gotten the first part done." 

  "I know. It's gone by so fast." No other words were spoken for a while, but Magnus could tell Alec had something on his mind. Alec would constantly check his phone, shut it off, then repeat. He wasn't expecting something, but he needed something to do. "Is something bothering you?" Magnus asked out of genuine concern. 

  Alec quickly came up with a lie. "Nothing. Just what you brought up. It's overwhelming." It was overwhelming, but that wasn't the only thing on Alec's mind. The fact that Magnus was here with him right now made his heart skip beats. They were in such close proximity. Magnus had tired eyes and his lip gloss was smeared. Probably from attempting to remove it but giving up in the end. There were qualities in him some people would find unattractive in a person. He could be overconfident and borderline cocky. He could be very loud and cause a lot of attention to himself. He loved any kind of attention. Alec didn't mind it. He loved Magnus no matter what. To him, Magnus was the most perfect being there could be. Even with his tired eyes and smeared lip gloss. He loved him. He loved him so much. If he could have anyone in the world, he'd still choose Magnus. He was that important to him. "Let's make this a night of no regrets. C'mon, tell me anything," Magnus said suddenly. Alec was shocked, so he stayed silent. He couldn't say anything. Not tonight. Not now. "Nothing to say?" Alec nodded. "Well I'll start off." He thought about it for a while."I've gotten drunk before."

  "I'm not surprised. You go to a lot of parties." Magnus laughed. 

  "Glad you understand. How about the time when I told my aunt that this outfit she bought looked nice when it was horrid." Now Alec laughed. 

  "I know, Magnus. I was there." 

  "Oh yeah. Do you have anything to add?" Alec immediately sank into his seat. Ignoring that comment, and checking his phone again. He didn't want to say anything. "Alec, you're so stubborn. I know somethings wrong, why won't you tell me." Magnus was worried. What if there was something that was actually wrong, and he was just holding back? "Alec you know you can talk to me. I am your best friend after all." Alec looked sick. Something was on his mind and Magnus was determined to figure out what. 

  "Alexander." Magnus moved his phone out of the way and looked at Alec. "Night of no regrets, remember? Tell me what's on your mind. It can't be too bad. The worse you can do is murder a family of three." It might just be worse, Alec thought. His heart went from skipping beats to beating a million miles a second. He felt like he couldn't breathe. He had a decision to make. He could tell him now and cut Magnus out of his life while he has time, or suffer a few more years but with Magnus by his side. He didn't know what was worse, but maybe if he got started now it would get better. "I have something to say. Something really important." 

  "Tell me. It really can't be that bad." 

  "Okay. Let me start off by saying how I'm going to what I'm about to say will sound really corny, but I've felt like this since we were in 9th grade. I don't know what happened, but one day it just clicked. I'm not sure why this had to happen because it has made my life a living hell with you. I hate it so much, and I know this is probably too much for you. I understand if after this you want to take me back home and never talk to me again. It's all okay with me. I knew this would happen eventually." Alec took a deep breath. He kind of went on a ramble there, and Magnus didn't say a word. "What happened was that I fell in love with you." Magnus really didn't know what to say. "Hear me out first. Magnus, I'm so in love with you. This sounds insane but it's the truth. I love you more than anything. You're the only good part of my day, but it drives me insane too. I know you don't love me back. I know it and it kills me. It hurts so much that I have to lie to myself and you everyday, and I'm sorry for that. I can never fix that, and I don't know if I can stop loving you. I wish I could to stop myself from getting hurt even more, but I've let it grow. My love for you is unkempt flame. I tried to ignore it and it just burned me in the end. But I let it. Because it hurts just as much as I love you. Because Magnus Bane, I am so hopelessly, drastically, deeply in love with you." Magnus didn't know what to say. He couldn't say anything. Alec just poured his heart out in a way Magnus couldn't beat. He couldn't tell him he felt the same. Instead, he took him by the collar of his shirt and kissed him fiercely. 

  Alec didn't know how to react. This isn't what he expected. If anything, he expected Magnus to push him away. Not bring him closer, but God. Was he glad to finally get a taste of his lips. Magnus kept pulling on Alec's shirt and bringing him closer in the small area. Alec eventually decided to move to Magnus' lap. He didn't stop kissing him. Alec had no experience when it came to these kind of things, but with the sounds Magnus made, he didn't think he minded. Magnus put his hands on the small of Alec's back, and pulled away from the kiss. "We're going back home." He gently pushed Alec away and gave him another kiss. Alec couldn't believe that what he had been so afraid of paid off in the best way. 

 

* * *

Magnus had forgotten to close his window last night. The light coming in had woken up Alec. He stired in the bed that he realized was not his, but then he realized that this was Magnus' house and he had nothing to worry about. Magnus. Alec told him he loved him, and Alec was sure that Magnus felt the same way. Even if he didn't express it in words. "Awake?" Magnus asked. Alec turned to him, and he didn't know if he'd ever be this happy again. Magnus loved him.

  "Yes," he laughed. Magnus closed the distance between them and kissed him lazily. Alec wrapped his arms around Magnus and buried his face in his neck. He kissed the purple marks on his neck and laughed. He couldn't believe anything. He felt like this was all a dream, but he didn't want it to be over. "I love you," Alec muttered. The words felt so natural to Alec. He used to be terrified of even thinking of that, but now he can openly say it without any fear. 

  "I love you too, and I've been wanting to say that almost as bad as you." Alec looked over at the clock, and then began to fear for his life. He didn't know where his phone was, and it was almost one in the afternoon. Isabelle was going to kill him. This is where his few hours of bliss ended and he had to go home. Alec got out of bed and began to look for his clothes. "My family probably thinks I died. When they find out I'm not dead, they might just kill me for not coming home." 

  Magnus sunk farther into his nest of pillows and blankets. "Can't I just text them? It's just me. I don't want you to leave so soon." After getting dressed Alec leaned down and kissed him. 

  "They'll be wondering why I left home in the first place. I'm sorry. I'll text you later." Alec decided that it would be too much work to jump out the window, so he just walked out the front door. Thank God Magnus' aunt wasn't home. She liked Alec, but would definitely question why he was there. 

  The hard part was getting back to his room. He could just walk in and take whatever everyone had to throw at him, or he could sneak back in and pretend he'd been hiding out in the library. Alec decided to take his chances with the latter. He climbed back up the tree and was glad no one locked his window. As soon as he fell into his room Isabelle was already there. It was as if she knew. "Alec! Where have you been!" she wasn't yelling, but she was loud enough that Alec was worried everyone in the whole house had heard her. 

  "Don't talk so loud. I just went out. Now if you help me convince mom and dad I never left, I'll pay you." Alec was in the process of making his way to his bathroom when Isabelle stopped him again. 

  "You didn't answer my question. Where were you," she said through her teeth. Alec decided to sugar coat everything as much as he could.

  "Magnus wanted to hang out, so I slept over at his place."

  "Then why didn't Magnus text us?"

  "He forgot?" Alec thought that he should never consider being an actor. 

  Isabelle's eyes narrowed. It made her look even more dangerous. "Then why is your shirt ripped?"

  "I fell getting out." She obviously did not believe that. 

  "If you fell, shouldn't you be hurt a lot more? Then again, you do seem like you have a bruise on your collarbone." She smiled. Alec was about to walk out the room, but Isablle stopped him. "No way you're leaving before you tell me what happened. Why were you out? I'll help you escape Mom and Dad if you tell me." Alec sighed in defeat. She pieced together too many pieces.

  "I wasn't lying about Magnus wanting to hang out. We were in his car, and I told him I loved him. We kissed, then we went back to his place and-" Alec took this chance to dash out his room and close the door behind him. He'd rather leave out all of the details. He'll just use the guest bathroom. He'll hide out in there too until Jace or someone else find him.   
  

* * *

Alec and Magnus found themselves at that same cliffside again. It was graduation, and while most of the people he went to school with were partying the night away, they were there. Alec wouldn't want to be anywhere else. He and Magnus just kissed and talked. Alec loved kissing his boyfriend.

  His boyfriend. They only began dating a few months ago, but it had been the best months of Alec's life. He no longer had to hide from Magnus. He no longer had to fear rejection because he knew the person he loved loved him back. It was perfect, and they would be starting school together next semester. It couldn't be better. 

  Magnus kissed Alec again, but this time it was a lot slower than their other kisses. He tried to convey something to Alec just from a kiss, and it was nothing good. Alec could figure that much out. "I love you. You're the best thing that has ever happened to me, and I love you more than anything else in this shit world. You've made these past few months nothing less than perfect. You're absolutely perfect, and there's not a thing about you that I don't love." He moved a strand of hair behind my ear. His eyes were glowing and looked sad. "I have something to tell you," he whispered.

  "What's with us and confessing to each other here." Alec tried to lighten the mood for Magnus, but it didn't make it easier for Magnus. "Magnus, remember the worse thing we could do was murder a family of three? Unless you did, in that case I'm concerned."

  "No, no. It's nothing that bad. It's just, I don't want to leave you." Magnus' voice was raw and genuine. Alec felt every emotion he was feeling just by listening to his voice. Fear, regret, uncertainty. Alec was worried. He's not breaking up with him, is he?

  Alec waited for him to continue. 

  "I applied to the Schoolart Institute of Chicago a while ago." He paused. "Found out I was accepted. They think I'm good enough for that school, but I'm-"

  "You should go," Alec replied immediately. 

  Magnus' eyes widened. "I'm not going without you," he said with determination. "I need you with me by my side. There's no way I'm going without you." 

  "And there's no way I'm going to let you pass this up. Do you not realize how great of a school that is? You're talented enough to go, and you should."

  "Are you listening? I know it's a great school, but I won't let it take me away from you. It's in Chicago, Alec. You can't just drive up and visit me whenever you want. I don't want to lose you when I just got you. I-I just can't. We were supposed to go to college together and live happily. I don't want to be without you." Tears were falling down his face. Landing on the shiny red paint of his car. Sliding down into the ground below them. Alec kissed his boyfriend. 

  "Not everything always goes to plan, Magnus. I can always visit during holidays, and the summer. We'll Skype every week. We can make this work. I want the best for you." Magnus still wasn't convinced. "Magnus. Look at the city. We're pretty far away, right? These people don't know were here, but I know Isabelle, Jace, and Max are there. And I love them even if they're not near me. And I know they love me. Love is the one thing that is infinite and universal. We're going to work out in the end, I'm sure of it. I'm still going to love you even if we don't see each other everyday. You're going to Chicago, and we're going to be happy." Magnus didn't speak for a few minutes.

  "You're right," was all he said.

  Alec smiled into their kiss.

 

* * *

Alec flew with Magnus to Chicago to move into his dorm. His roommate was nice. His name was Xavier. The dorm was white and barren. Alec wondered how it would look after the year was over.

  They spent every second of their last day together. Going to see the best parts of Chicago together, kissing, and repeating "I love you" to each other. When it was time for Alec to leave, they exchanged a final "I love you." They both had a tears in their eyes, even if Alec denied it and only felt happy for Magnus. Alec was always good at concealing his feelings. Internally, he was slowly deteriorating. He knew they loved each other more than life itself, but the real challenge was the test of time. He couldn't believe it was his idea to encourage Magnus to move to Chicago. Magnus was still his best friend no matter what, and he would no long be able to wake up next to him for a long time. No more three am dinners that consisted of cheap wine and Chinese food. Nothing would be the same for a while, but Alec let Magnus go. The love of his life. This was it. With a final kiss, they walked their separate ways. 

  Alec missed him already.

  The first two years being apart weren't as bad. They still skyped as much as they could, texted everyday, and saw each other during holidays. But the days seemed to grow shorter with all of the work they were doing. They talked less, and didn't leave their homes for most of the holidays. The summers were filled with jobs and summer classes. They simply lost track of time. But they still thought of each other. Magnus always tried to incorporate a certain shade of blue into his designs, and Alec always found himself making Magnus into a character into one of his stories. They never completely disappeared from each other's lives.

  Even if they didn't speak, Alec always received a text from Magnus that said "I love you" every once in a while. Alec always responded back without hesitation. That's how they communicated now, and Alec was happy with it because Magnus loved him.

  They never officially ended their relationship, but one day Magnus sent "I still love you" and said that instead from then on. Alec still replied with "I still love you too" because he did. 

  Alec was never active in the dating scene anyways. Alec couldn't give his heart to someone while it was in Chicago with someone else, and Alec knew he still held Magnus'. "I still love you" held more meaning to Alec than any piece of literature in the world. 

 

* * *

Alec didn't know what he was doing there. He hadn't been here since high school graduation. Maybe since it was college graduation he thought it would be a good idea. Or maybe it was because he missed Magnus with every fiber of his being. Maybe a mix of both. 

  He needed a drink, not a quiet cliffside.

  There was a liquor store not ten minutes from here. 

  Maybe he'd buy himself some brandy, but he'd only have a bit. 

  Who was he kidding, he was going to finish the entire bottle.

  He'd rather be blackout drunk then think of Magnus. 

  He found himself being blackout drunk a lot. 

  He got closer, but there was someone else already there. His heart skipped a beat and he couldn't feel anything anymore. He'd recognize that silhouette anywhere. "Magnus," he muttered. 

  He turned around. He looked more mature, and was still in his graduation gown. He must've been in a rush. His eyes were still beautiful, and still glowed in this light. He looked different than when he last saw him, but that's expected when you don't see someone in a few years.

  Alec couldn't hold himself back anymore. He ran towards Magnus and threw himself into his arms. Magnus held on tightly, as if he was drowning and Alec was the only thing keeping him from sinking. They muttered "I love you" and million times. Magnus tangled his hands in Alec's hair and crashed their lips together. Alec's breath was caught in his breath. Their kisses were fast and messy and desperate, but they all said one thing. "I missed you." God, did he miss Magnus.

  They held each other for quite some time before letting go. Alec knew this was it. He'd never love anyone like he loves Magnus. Not in ten, twenty, or even fifty years. He loved Magnus, and Magnus loved him. They would never be separated. He does not regret telling Magnus to go to Chicago, he doesn't regret anything involving Magnus. He sure as hell doesn't regret telling Magnus he loves him. 

  Alec would never regret that, he was sure of that. 

    
 


End file.
